saddest part of being friends

yesterday was a rainy, cloudy and sunny day, it was tuesday wherein we have no classes on NCM, instead of going home we decided to play bowling at araneta ave @ playdium if im not mistaken BUT the playdium was close so we decided to go at gateway.. ofcourse it was a very fun day where we spend time eating, playing at timezone and walking trip.. i thought everything was okay not until today, wednesday where i texted her if i can court her (i didnt waste any time because she's saying that all she want is friendship), what she said was, i had a chance before but now all she want was friendship, ofcourse i fight for what my heart is telling me all about.. that i love her and i will forever love her, i had just experienced the feeling of being rejected which was the saddest part of being friends..=( i dont know what to do today, i dont know if i will still continue what i've started or just ignore the part and return from being strangers again :(.. i just hope God will provide me the right decisions to be made and i just hope that God will guide me in every step i will make.. Now I said to her that I will wait for her, and i know that taking into a relationship will take more than what you have and I also know that rejection and acceptance is a part of taking into a relation.. Im taking the risk of being rejected even if it hurts a lot!! its ok with me as long I proved to her how much SHE MEANS TO MY LIFE AND I ALSO WANT TO SAY FACE TO FACE THAT I COULD'NT EVEN FORGIVE MYSELF IF I LET THIS OPPURTUNITY BE TAKEN OFF ME.. PLEASE HELP ME GOD!!

now im ready for you

STARTING today is my new day!!.. starting today there will no more of my past and now here is my present!! my ever longing her..=) i will do everything to make her fall in love in me, even though I'm still not proposing.. she's everything to me right now, i hope she feel the same to me..hahahaha, dreaming is possible(lol).. i will see her tomorrow, good luck for me!! help me GOD.=)

your face that i want to erase

its been almost 3 years since i last log in, in this blogspot thingy here.. i almost forgot my user name and password here but since google provide me the information, i had log in my account here.. now what am i thinking of, i want to erase someone who have been with me in the last 3 years, remember my last blog in 2007??damn that was like a history already, that gurl lasted for almost 3 years and now i want to erase her totally in my mind and in my heart.. so damn emo!! haha, still even though i am one of the emo's in the world.. anyway i want to start it out!!

3 years later after all the friendship, the relationship, the smiles, the heartaches, the laughters, the intimate moments and the love we had, i will need to erase all of the GOOD AND GREAT moments we had together to be able to completely moved on!!! =) accdg to my favorite movie, ONE MORE CHANCE, derek ramsey said.. sometimes its better for two people to break up, so they can grow up.. thats my favorite line, and that line really strikes me off my arse, i want to grow up so i can learn my mistakes from the past and move on to the future!!=) from now on, i will make myself busy and completely disconnected from her!! even thats not so possible!!,, i want to grow and to make decisions that i will never regret in the end, i want to choose what i want and not i need, i want to be who i really am and not who they want to be me.. :)

this day, no more of her, no more of me and her.. from now on, its always been me..=p

understanding myself!

i love her but it seems that my love doesn't reach her. hay, i don't whats going on but one thing is just clear in my damn mind!!! i still love her deeply!!!... hay!! if i just know whats going on with me then i will have my own explanations in my mind and there will be a deep solution to my damn problem... i thought that i will not be affected by this trouble but then even though i try to keep my feelings bout this, still my emotions is still dominant than my personality... maybe this is the end!!! but i am not closing any doors.. maybe i need time to find myself again! im lost!! im lost!! and i dont know what to do!! only God knows how i feel right now!! only God knows how will i find solutions on my problem!! i dont want to trust liquor or beers but i think they will be my true friends despise of my many friends around me and keep on surrounding me..hay, i think i really need a great help from a great man!!! damn!! i dont want to live anymore!! i dont want to give a damn on my life!! if anyone out there that can help me maybe u are the answer to my problem and my sinking life..